It tinged with bitterness and blackness what should have been the
crystal-clear cup holding her youth and intelligence and health. She
fancied that every one despised her. She imagined that people who were
in reality quite unaware of her existence were looking at her and
whispering together a wondering discussion as to why she was not "in
the swim" as such a girl ought to be--all girls worth their salt were.
Above all she was stung into a sort of speechless rage by her
impotence to do anything to regain the decent minimum of personal
dignity which she felt was stripped from her by this constant play of
bald speculation about whether she would or would not be considered
"good enough" to be invited into a sorority. If only something
definite would happen! If there were only an occasion on which
she might in some way proudly proclaim her utter indifference to
fraternities and their actions! If only the miserable business were
not so endlessly drawn out! She threw herself with a passionate
absorption into her studies, her music, and her gymnasium work,
cut off both from the "elect" and from the multitude, a proudly
self-acknowledged maverick. She never lacked admiring followers among
less brilliant girls who would have been adorers if she had not held
them off at arm's length, but her vanity, far from being omnivorous,
required more delicate food. She wished to be able to cry aloud to her
world that she thought nothing and cared nothing about fraternities,
and by incessant inner absorption in this conception she did to
a considerable extent impose it upon the collective mind of her
contemporaries.
Pages:
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202
203
204
205