And so I write
farewell--and can hardly mean it--and yet it must be farewell."
A kind of calmness came over me as I read the last word. There are
anxiety and fear, and stir and ministration while the sick are alive.
But with death there is quiet in the house. Calmness comes to those who
have striven to heal and to save. And with the words "farewell" before
my eyes a dumb resignation came into my heart. Dorothy was gone from me
and forever! But here was my life left to me to work out, and my
ambition to pursue. I grew suddenly strong and full of will. I walked to
the door and gazed for some minutes over the prairie. Then I saddled a
horse and went to find Reverdy.
It was something to see the brother of the woman I loved; but I must
find Zoe if possible.
Reverdy was off somewhere with Douglas. Douglas was working upon the
plan of introducing the political convention system in Illinois, as it
prevailed in New York. He wished to step from the state's attorneyship
into the legislatureship. He had newspaper supporters; he had many
friends, as well as many foes. But he was fighting his way.
I talked with Sarah of my trip to New Orleans and played with little
Amos. I asked Sarah at last about Zoe. Reverdy had already done all he
could to trace her. The stage driver had been questioned, but knew
nothing.
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