But alas! I am tormented by the idea
that you never _will_ know, that in this great crisis of your
career, you think me indifferent when I understand so well your
terrible anxieties, your need for stupendous exertion, and all that
this convention means to this great country and to yourself; and
heart and soul and brain, at the risk of my popularity,--that I
love, sir,--and of a social position grudgingly acquired me, but
which I demand by right of an inheritance of which the world knows
less than of my elevation by Colonel Croix,--at the risk of all, I
am here and working for you. Perhaps I love power. Perhaps this
country with its strange unimaginable future. Perhaps I merely love
politics, which you have glorified--perhaps--well, when we do meet,
sir, you will avoid me no longer. Do you find me lacking in pride?
Reflect how another woman would have pursued you with love-letters,
persecuted you. I have exercised a restraint that has left its
mark, not only out of pride for myself, but out of a deep
understanding of your multitude of anxieties and interests; nor
should I dare to think of you at all were I not so sure of my power
to help you--now and always.
Pages:
512
513
514
515
516
517
518
519
520
521
522
523
524
525
526
527
528
529
530
531
532
533
534
535
536