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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"Sketches New and Old"

"
"Will he visit the harem to-day?"
The young man glared upon me awhile, and then went on reading his paper.
But I knew the ways of those clerks. I knew I was safe if he got through
before another New York mail arrived. He only had two more papers left.
After a while he finished them, and then he yawned and asked me what I
wanted.
"Renowned and honored Imbecile: on or about--"
"You are the beef-contract man. Give me your papers."
He took them, and for a long time he ransacked his odds and ends.
Finally he found the Northwest Passage, as I regarded it--he found the
long lost record of that beef contract--he found the rock upon which so
many of my ancestors had split before they ever got to it. I was deeply
moved. And yet I rejoiced--for I had survived. I said with emotion,
"Give it me. The government will settle now." He waved me back, and
said there was something yet to be done first.
"Where is this John Wilson Mackenzie?" said he.
"Dead."
"When did he die?"
"He didn't die at all--he was killed."
"How?"
"Tomahawked."
"Who tomahawked him?"
"Why, an Indian, of course. You didn't suppose it was the superintendent
of a Sunday-school, did you?"
"No.


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