But don't torture me
with any more arithmetical horrors until you know I am rid of my cold. I
feel the bitterest animosity toward you at this moment-bothering me in
this way, when I can do nothing but sneeze and rage and snort
pocket-handkerchiefs to atoms. If I had you in range of my nose now
I would blow your brains out.
TO RAISE POULTRY
--[Being a letter written to a Poultry Society that had conferred a
complimentary membership upon the author. Written about 1870.]
Seriously, from early youth I have taken an especial interest in the
subject of poultry-raising, and so this membership touches a ready
sympathy in my breast. Even as a schoolboy, poultry-raising was a study
with me, and I may say without egotism that as early as the age of
seventeen I was acquainted with all the best and speediest methods of
raising chickens, from raising them off a roost by burning lucifer
matches under their noses, down to lifting them off a fence on a frosty
night by insinuating the end of a warm board under their heels. By the
time I was twenty years old, I really suppose I had raised more poultry
than any one individual in all the section round about there.
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