But philosophy would
here seem to be at fault, for affection quite as often springs
from unlikeness as from likeness in its object.
The true union must needs be one of mind as well as of heart, and
based on mutual esteem as well as mutual affection. "No true and
enduring love," says Fichte, "can exist without esteem ; every
other draws regret after it, and is unworthy of any noble human
soul." One cannot really love the bad, but always something that
we esteem and respect as well as admire. In short, true union
must rest on qualities of character, which rule in domestic as in
public life.
But there is something far more than mere respect and esteem in
the union between man and wife. The feeling on which it rests
is far deeper and tenderer--such, indeed, as never exists
between men or between women. "In matters of affection," says
Nathaniel Hawthorne, "there is always an impassable gulf between
man and man. They can never quite grasp each other's hands,
and therefore man never derives any intimate help, any
heart-sustenance, from his brother man, but from woman--his
mother, his sister, or his wife." (2)
Man enters a new world of joy, and sympathy, and human interest,
through the porch of love. He enters a new world in his home--
the home of his own making--altogether different from the home of
his boyhood, where each day brings with it a succession of new
joys and experiences.
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