But, Loudon, I do want to live. No
more ambition; all I ask is life. I have so much to
make it sweet to me. I am clerking, and USELESS
AT THAT. I know I would have fired such a clerk
inside of forty minutes in MY time. But my
time's over. I can only cling on to you. Don't fail
JIM PINKERTON."
There was yet one more postscript, yet one more
outburst of self-pity and pathetic adjuration; and a
doctor's opinion, unpromising enough, was besides
enclosed. I pass them both in silence. I think shame
to have shown at so great length the half-baked virtues
of my friend dissolving in the crucible of sickness and
distress; and the effect upon my spirits can be judged
already. I got to my feet when I had done, drew a deep
breath, and stared hard at Honolulu. One moment the
world seemed at an end, the next I was conscious of a
rush of independent energy. On Jim I could rely no
longer; I must now take hold myself I must decide and
act on my own better thoughts.
The word was easy to say; the thing, at the first
blush, was undiscoverable.
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