For in this
juncture of affairs I called to mind that I was not
without a possible resource, and resolved, at whatever
cost of mortification, to beard the Loudon family in
their historic city.
In the excellent Scots phrase, I made a moonlight
flitting, a thing never dignified, but in my case
unusually easy. As I had scarce a pair of boots worth
portage I deserted the whole of my effects without a
pang. Dijon fell heir to Joan of Arc, the Standard
Bearer, and the Musketeers. He was present when I
bought and frugally stocked my new portmanteau, and it
was at the door of the trunk-shop that I took my leave
of him, for my last few hours in Paris must be spent
alone. It was alone, and at a far higher figure than
my finances warranted, that I discussed my dinner;
alone that I took my ticket at Saint Lazare; all alone,
though in a carriage full of people, that I watched the
moon shine on the Seine flood with its tufted isles, on
Rouen with her spires, and on the shipping in the
harbour of Dieppe. When the first light of the morning
called me from troubled slumbers on the deck, I beheld
the dawn at first with pleasure; I watched with
pleasure the green shores of England rising out of rosy
haze; I took the salt air with delight into my
nostrils; and then all came back to me--that I was no
longer an artist, no longer myself; that I was leaving
all I cared for, and returning to all that I detested,
the slave of debt and gratitude, a public and a branded
failure.
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