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Stewart, Donald Ogden, 1894-1980

"Perfect Behavior; a guide for ladies and gentlemen in all social crises"

He then
reaches the other bank, where he sees a young lady five feet ten
inches tall, walking around a tree, in a circle the circumference
of which is forty-two yards.
A. What is the diameter of the circle?
B. How fast is the current flowing in the stream?
C. At what point would the swimmer land if there were no current
in the stream?
D. At what point does the swimmer actually land?
E. But suppose that he has no bathing suit on?

And so, when the young person has reached the age for his first
formal dinner party, he will undoubtedly be able to handle the
fundamentals of correct etiquette in a satisfactory manner. But,
as in every sport or profession, there are certain
refinements--certain niceties which come only after long
experience--and it is with a view of helping the ambitious
diner-out to master these more complex details, that I suggest
that he study carefully the following "unwritten laws" which
govern every dinner party.
In the first place, a guest is supposed tacitly to consent to the
menu which the hostess has arranged, and the diner-out who makes
a habit of saying "Squab, you know, never agrees with me--I
wonder if I might have a couple of poached eggs," is apt to find
that such squeamishness does not pay in the long run.
Practical jokes are never countenanced at a formal affair of this
sort. I do not mean that a certain amount of good-natured fun is
out of place, but such "stunts" as pulling the hostess' chair out
from under her--or gleefully kicking the shins of your neighbor
under the table and shouting "Guess who?"--are decidedly among
the "non-ests" of correct modern dinner-table behaviour.


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