And, as you enter the door of the club, some girl,
dressed, probably, as Martha Washington, will run up and kiss
you. This is not because she thinks you are George Washington; it
is because she drank that eighth Bronx cocktail at dinner.
And right at this point is where most Dry Agents have displayed
their ignorance of the usages of polite society, for most of them
are wofully ignorant of the correct way to handle such a
situation. Your average Dry Agent, not being accustomed to the
ways of Younger Marrieds, is often confused upon being
unexpectedly kissed, and in his confusion betrays his unfortunate
lack of social training.
The correct way to meet the above situation is based on the
fundamental rule of all social etiquette--common sense. Return
the lady's kiss in an easy, natural manner and pass on. If she
follows you, lead her at once to a quiet unoccupied corner of the
club and knock her over the head with a chair or some other
convenient implement. It has been found that this is the only
effective way to deal with this type of woman and it is really
only a kindness to her and her husband to keep her from
embarrassing you with her attentions during the rest of the
evening.
After you have removed your coat, you should go to the ball room
where you will find the dance in full swing--full being of course
used in its common or alcoholic sense. Take your place in the
stag line and don't, under any circumstances, allow anyone to
induce you to cut in on any of the dancers.
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