Thus, by a fortunate combination
of circumstances, a Dry Agent is enabled to serve mankind and, at
the same time, greatly increase his own personal fortune.
But we cannot wait until our college graduates come to regard
pussyfooting as a career. We must do what we can with the
material at our disposal. We must in some way educate our present
Dry Agents so that they can go to any function in polite society
and remain as inconspicuous and as completely disregarded as the
host. As a first step in such a social training I offer the
following suggestions, in the hope that before long no function
will be complete without the presence of four or five correctly
dressed National Prohibition Enforcement Officers, ready and
eager to arrest the host and hostess and all the guests on the
slightest provocation.
PLANNING A DRY RAID ON A MASQUERADE BALL
Let us suppose, for example, that you are a Dry Agent and that
your name is Isador Eisenberg, and, one day, you and your chief
are sitting around the Dry Agent's Club and he says to you,
"Izzy--I see by the paper that there's a swell society masquerade
ball to be given by the younger married set tomorrow night at the
Glen Cove Country Club. Take your squad to cover it." At this
point you doubtless say, "Chief, I'm afraid I can't use my squad.
My men have been disguised as trained seals all this week, and
tomorrow night, they are to raid all the actresses' dressing
rooms at the Hippodrome" and then the Chief says, "Well, Izzy,
you'll have to rent a costume and pull off the raid all by
yourself.
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