The gentleman is merely an
inexperienced "gun" at a shooting-party, who has begun following
his bird before it has risen above the head of his loader. This
very clumsy violation of the etiquette of sport proves, beyond
the shadow of a doubt, that he has learned to shoot from the
comic papers, and that his coat-of-arms can never again be looked
upon as anything but bogus.}
LISTENING TO A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA
The first thing to do on arriving at a symphony concert is to
express the wish that the orchestra will play Beethoven's Fifth.
If your companion then says "Fifth what?" you are safe with him
for the rest of the evening; no metal can touch you. If, however,
he says "So do I"--this is a danger signal and he may require
careful handling.
The next step is a glance at the program. If your escort is quite
good looking and worth cultivating, the obvious remark is "Oh
dear--not a very interesting program, to-night. But George--LOOK
at what they are playing next Thursday! My, I wish--." If George
shies at this, it can be tried again later--say during an
"appassionato" passage for the violins and cellos.
As soon as the music starts, all your attention should be
directed toward discovering someone who is making a
noise--whispering or coughing; having once located such a
creature, you should immediately "sh-sh" him. Should he continue
the offence, a severe frown must accompany the next "sh-sh," a
lorgnette --if available--adding great effectiveness to the
rebuke.
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